why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
