So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
