I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
