I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
