Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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