Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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