Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
