Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize