foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
