I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
