When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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