Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize