I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
