In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
