i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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