I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
