you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
