Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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