did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
