I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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