I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
