Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
