discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
