I'm going to jail i love you
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
