it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
