Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize