kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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