I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
