I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
