im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
