i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
