I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
