like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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