My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
