the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
