I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
