Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
