it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize