You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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