his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
