Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
