Nicole vs. Life
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
