Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize