i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
