Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
