I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
