MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
