I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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