Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
