woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
