I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
there is glitter all over my balls
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize