Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
