I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
