YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am puke
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize