If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
