i jhust puked up my retainher.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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