Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize