This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
