The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
