So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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