I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
