i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
