wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
