Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
