Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
