hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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