I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
