it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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