You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Randomize
