my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
