The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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