so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
