I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize