Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
