I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize