who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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