I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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