College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
