He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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