she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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