I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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