you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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