So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
its liver damage thursday
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
