I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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