I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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