Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
