thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
