I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize