The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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