True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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